21. Do Community Service in a Foreign Country

Buna ziua! (Good day!) My first community service in a foreign country was to Beius, Romania in 2009. I kept a journal during that time, and in order to be realistic I'm going to copy that journal here, and probably add some extra information so that you'll be able to follow. I think that this trip may have been one of the main deciding factors in my journey to becoming a social worker, so it is very important and dear to my heart.

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
I'm on the flight to Germany then Budapest, and finally arriving at our destination in Romania. Thus far, the trip is going smoothly despite the unnecessarily strict man who checked our bags. At least he let me check my bag for free instead of an extra $200. It also didn't make sense, because now that I'm on the plane I'm looking around and there are other bags that are even bigger than mine. Lufthansa is awful.
The only concern I still have for the trip (other than landing and taking off) is the horrific pain I feel in my back, and how difficult it may be leaving the children we'll be taking care of for a week at the orphanage in Romania.
I always pray taking off because it makes me nervous; Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal have mercy on us.

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

EUROPE! The journey here to Beius is finally over. I feel like I've lived around traveling for years. After landing in Budapest we drove through dry dead forestry and farming in Hungary and similarly in Romania. The first town looked like the crappy part of Boston, with the addition of Orthodox churches on every corner with crucifix out in front of each one. The one aspect of Romania that looks the best kept is the churches.

The total trip took around 18 hours with non-stop flying and driving. On the western border of Romania it seems extremely desolate, and is around 8 hours driving to the capital in the south eastern corner. Driving through, we passed several renewal and upkeep projects by both locals and missionaries. Every building and piece of land was either new, in progress and abandoned, or run in the mill homes appearing as shacks.
Just driving through, I feel guilty for staying in this nice apartment. There are 9 of us, and we're staying in four rooms. There is a kitchen, bathroom, washer/dryer and our apartment has a modern bath and toilet and is directly above one of the best coffee shops I've ever been to. Upon settling into our beds for the next 8 days, my fellow travelers and I were informed that the girls we'll be taking care of have contracted lice. This journey sure is going to be interesting.




Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
Today we have a little bit of down time to rest and catch up on jet lag sleep. Being out of the country and on new ground hardly any of us slept and we mostly went to the market and unpacked the 20 duffel bags of things that were generously donated for the trip. Unpacking and organizing the duffel bags will take at least half of the trip since there is so much to do. After lunch we're taking the girls to the playground to meet and play.
<--- One of the walls of clothing in the market.

So far, I've learned that the coffee house downstairs has the most amazing desserts. It's like nothing I've ever tasted. A mixture of natural sweets, love, and homemade goodness, all of the desserts taste similar to Tiramisu... maybe that's what it was. The proceeds go towards the mission so it's always worth a couple of dollars, and there are always locals there.
In town the Romanian  people made us feel very welcome. They gave honest prices for their clothing and are very happy and smile at us just for walking by... even though we're "Typical Americans." I find most Europeans are not really appreciative of Americans since we have such a lack of positive cultural influences. That's probably the best way to put it.

It's mild and rainy today but it feels warm and welcoming. I've used different names for the girls of the orphanage, in order to keep identities confidential.
After meeting the girls, there are 8 of them in the orphanage, these are what my initial reactions were:
Anna does whatever Princess does and is a little bit of a tom-boy. Love it.
Princess is very smart but is a little bit of a smart ass because she can tell the difference of when she can and cannot be. Not to mention, I think she definitely knows that she is the queen bee of the group.
Dasha y Tasha They are twins, and seem to seek negative attention and are really active. They also follow Princess' lead.
Tisha is a little mama. She is proper and well behaved but needs to learn a little bit about independence (who doesn't). She is definitely the cutest little girl I have ever seen in my life.
Emilia tries to be a smart ass but gives in to discipline, and loves getting attention. They all love getting attention, I suppose that may be typical for children in orphanages. Emilia is missing her middle front tooth, and I find it to be an adorable feature.
Sami doesn't listen or do what she's told. She is quite the handful and reminds me a lot of myself when I was 8 years old.
Mischa she is quiet for now and I can't figure her out too much. She is Sami's older sister... but you would never guess that they are related.

Putting the girls to bed was fun. Since none of us know Romanian we would do hand motions for brushing teeth and ask if they went "pishu" which is slang for pee. They laughed at our speaking Romanian and they pretended to not understand English, but they definitely knew what we were saying.
Tasha walked over to me like she was strolling down a runway and said, "Hey baby!" In her attempt at being a sexy American... pretty funny for a Romanian 8 year-old who doesn't speak English. Thank you to the influence of uncensored high school American missionaries!
I'm trying to remember to have love and patience throughout this experience. It's not as easy at it looks.

Thursday, March 26th, 2009
Ciao! Yesterday we redesigned the play area for the children and taught at school yesterday and today too. By redesigning I mean scrub and clean everything because of the lice outbreak. The kids were very enthusiastic and proud about their new and clean area.
Later that day we went to the girls classes at school. The principle was very nice and an advocate of breaking boundaries, so we went to teach lessons on tolerance and discrimination. Since most of the kids were little, we mainly talked about loving each other. They are all 7, 8 or 9, and so there were about 3 or 4 different classes for us to go to. The reason we went to teach about tolerance and loving each other is because the girls from La Casa are not only orphans, but they are also gypsies, both of which are hugely discriminated against here. Gypsies have a history of being dirty and thieves, and non-gypsies here do not even typically go to gypsy villages. They both keep their boundaries and both do so for their own ideas of protecting themselves. It can get very messy in the schools for these girls, because even some of their teachers are intolerant and mistreat them. With the exception of Sami's teacher, a Baptist woman working with the orphanage who converted from Orthodoxy, the other teachers did not seem to care much about our beautiful gypsy orphans. I haven't seen any examples of discrimination against gypsies yet. I know I will by the time my stay is over. My teacher tells me that it's unusual that I haven't yet, and that I should take in my surroundings better. It seems like gypsies "know their place" because they do their best to avoid confrontation.  They don't look at you or smile and they don't talk to you unless they're selling something. You can tell who they are because of black clothes for men or bright skirts for women. The older men where hats. You where a scarf on your head if you're a married female gypsy and if you're important in the gypsy community you where a black hat (for men) or scarf (women).

While teaching the young kids we drew flowers, and I taught the students what Mother Thekla from Boston taught me at a religious program that I had taken part in. We want to be beautiful bright medium sized flowers. Why? Because big flowers fall over and small flowers have no smell... so we want to be just in the middle for a humble medium of standing tall and smelling beautiful. I said it in a better way than that, and the kids thought it was funny because I would act it out as if I were the flower. They thought it was particularly funny when the translator told them that I didn't smell good.

Although we didn't know any of the 4th graders, the principle of the school (she was very cooperative and helpful) asked us to teach a 4th grade class as an extra hurrah! Some of the 4th graders spoke impressive English and made teaching much easier without having to use a translator. The students here are so much smarter than Americans and are expected of so much more. Americans seem much less disciplined and more spoiled (which they are). Particularly my generation, I find that there is a strong sense of entitlement. They wine. The Casa girls wine but they have trauma because of they're hectic lives without parents and living in such a big group, not to mention they each have their own personal traumas and stories of abandonment.

It must be so difficult for people the girls like to come and go. They were all wanted at some point but when international adoptions closed some of the people who were planning to adopt simply disappeared. Adoption lines are still closed and as far as I know, there is a family waiting for Tasha and Dasha, and they see her on some weekends. Emilia's adoptive parents visit and stay for months at a time to make a connection and keep it, but because of their history, everytime a person leaves they seem to prepare themselves for the possibility of never seeing that person again. It's hard to be an adoptive parent and break that boundary, reminding the children that they are here to stay. Mischa and Sami had a mother who would visit for months. They became so close that they even called her "mama." When adoption lines closed "mama" never came back.
Even if an orphan was towards the end of the adoption process, the entire thing went on hold and they can only be adopted by fellow Romanians. Being adopted by Romanians is difficult and unlikely because Romania itself is in harsh conditions and a poor economy, not to mention the stigma against gypsy orphans does not improve the likelihood of adoption either. There are very few wealthy Romanians. So all of these girls have suffered. Some were extremely close with their potential adoptive parents and called them "mama." But they were ditched when everything went on hold. It's sad for the girls, but it is also sad for the potential parents. I can't imagine knowing and loving a child and leaving them, but I also can't imagine knowing and loving a child and having to continually take time off from work and spend money to travel for months at a time when there is no way of knowing when the spending and time off from work will end. Also, there is the possibility that the adoption lines will not be opened until after the girls are adults, so why bring their hopes up when it may never happen for them? It's difficult for everyone really.

Later that night...


George, one of the founders and co-directors of the orphanage (along with his wife), came tonight and taught us about the history of Romania's orphanages in relation to treatment and communism. Even years after communism fell, the orphanages were filled with kids chained to their cribs until they were five years-old. Being chained to a crib for 5 years, let alone during important developmental stages, can cause extreme mental disadvantages and social inabilities. After that kind of malnutrition and lack of compassion, they were put in an institution where a similar treatment was given. The children were not bathed or cared for, and not educated either. Essentially, they were thrown in a room with no explanation, and no understanding. George talked about the ruined lives of communism and orphans. Romania has come a long way but many things are the same as they were... but better hidden.
He said during communism everyone had to lie. Equal everything, sharing everything, and no religion. There was lots of persecution and much like Nazi Germany there was no speaking out of line - if a person were to do so then the punishment would be death/imprisonment. We all cried watching the documentary video he showed us about the orphan lifestyle immediately following communism. Thank God that the children in the private system here do not have to endure that torture any longer.
We were told that the gypsy treatment in Beius is a lot better than anywhere else in Romania, though that is not saying much. They use the same stores but the gypsies can't have their own market table, and they must have their own villages outside of Beius so that they do not live amongst the other Romanians. The discrimination of gypsies being thieves and thugs is everywhere else in Romania too, and I believe its in other parts of the world. I've just never experienced it or learned about it before.

George called us "Heaven's Ambassadors," showing extraordinary gratitude for our being there. We were there for only a week, and I don't feel that we are deserving of any praise.

Friday, March 27th, 2009
Today we did foster care runs. The Mission not only has an orphanage where it used to have 30 children, but since the adoption lines closed those children have been taken or placed in the Mission's foster care system so that now there are only the 8 girls in the orphanage. The foster care system was created by our group leader Jo and was the first in the country of Romania. Jo has been working with the Mission for 10 years now. She raises money and donations year-round and travels to the orphanage once or twice a year. Since she has been there since the girls were babies she is well loved and part of La Casa family.
The orphanage and foster care are privately run systems, and are monitored very closely. If a child cannot be paid for or taken care of the government swoops in and takes them from their foster families (families that the children have been with since they were babies) and they cannot be found or heard from again once they are taken. The Mission has suffered greatly from economic struggles and children have been taken here and there. Foster families are currently doing their work for free simply because they love the children in their families. Many of the families are poor and desperate because of it.

We were able to sit in on foster care runs. I sat in on one and it was very touching. Going in, I knew that it was going to be hard to see, but that I couldn't show sadness because the family cannot afford the burden of another person's weakness.  The one I went on was just like a normal family, which I didn't expect. I'm not sure why I didn't expect it, most likely because of all of the Oliver Twist-type movies I've seen that promote poor child care in foster systems.
I cannot disclose some information about the foster care families, other than that the family had two foster care children, Joshua and Isabel, and I believe had other children of their own as well.
The mother cried when Jo complimented her about how strong and God-given she has been to take care of the kids for free and to raise them. The father was extremely frustrated and growing resentful of the system because there is no money and they are close to having nothing as far as money goes. Apparently, a common tale.

It isn't unrealistic for the kids to be taken away, even after many years. We were informed today that two other boys will be taken by the state orphanage never for us to hear from them again. Just like the 14 kids that this happened to last summer. Families are torn apart and it is likely that the boys are not properly taken care of in state facilities. Like I said, it hasn't changed that much since communism. The biggest problems and frustrations of the private system are the closed international adoptions and the lack of money because of the financial crisis.

During the meeting I sat nodding and listening. The kids were so happy with their new trucks that were donated and they played jump rope and distracted themselves away from the conversation that the adults had about finances. I could tell the father was frustrated because of the speed he was talking. The mother had a lot more patience (this must be a universal mother thing) and wanted the information on their situation just as badly but was trying to calm him anyway. Its a frustrating situation for everyone and we all understood that. But everyone wants sympathy and no one is giving it to the Mission or foster parents.
The home seemed like a typical lower middle class home in the U.S. There was furniture and smiling faces on the kids, and it was very comfortable. I imagine Jo dealing with this every year and I think of how her heart must  be broken all the time.
The family offered us cakes and snacks, which to be proper I accepted, but I kept accepting in order to be proper and I felt ill from the taste and eating too much. I decided that eating slower meant eating less because they wouldn't offer me anything unless my hand was empty.
We did a brief health check-up and psych exam with the children after the meeting and continued to move on to the next foster home.

Saturday, March 28th, 2009
I'm sitting outside with a blanket on. My butt is chilled from the cold porch and I am watching the sun come up. Its so cold out and my allergies have kept me awake for most of the night. It's almost 7am. Out here my sneezing and nose blowing wont keep anyone awake, and on this trip sleep is very precious. All I hear are the crows flying overhead, drowning out the roosters that are cocking and the wild dogs that are barking. The sun is slowly rising over an old apartment complex that was built during communism for equal living. People no longer have to live there, but many do because they can't afford to move, even after 20 years of democracy.
The church bells are ringing now, it must be 7. People are going to start waking up. We have a day of shopping in Oradea and adventures with the girls in the bear caves (where there are no actual bears, just anciently old clay drippings that make a really cool scenery).
Oradea is the nearest city and is an hour drive away. The photo above is a picture of the main Oradea shopping drag.
To the left is a picture of part of the cave that we adventured through. The tour took a couple of hours. This picture doesn't do it justice. It was such a magnificent sight to see.
During our tour, is when I witnessed the most severe discrimination against gypsies. The bathroom was at the beginning of the tour and rather than allowing for us to turn around when one of the girls had to pee... he said that she could just go in the cave, and then continued the tour. I felt disgust and outrage, and don't wish to go into further detail.

The money here is Lei and it is 3.1 to every dollar, so I expect to be spending a lot and buying many gifts for family and friends. Not to mention a day away from Beius and less psychological stress.
Side note: I forgot to mention that in school the first day the 2nd graders sang songs to us. One of the songs was Father I adore You.

And animal noises sound different in Europe
.
I spent 360 Lei today and I think it turns out to be about $60... pretty impressive for buying EVERYONE back home a gift.


Sunday, March 29th, 2009

We went to church this morning. The church was Russian Orthodox and the Orthodox converted Baptist school teacher is the one who took me and a fellow group member to the service. I insisted on finding a way to go, since it was only my second time in a country where the national religion is Orthodox. Not to mention, Romanian is a beautiful language. I think part of the service was in Romanian and the rest in Slavic. We went 2 hours late to the service and were able to make it to the 45 minute homily and miss communion. Apparently we were doing the normal thing in Russian churches, which I had never been to before. I loved it though, and felt so humbled by the experience thus far that I'm freaking myself out a little bit. The church was beautiful and the iconostas went all the way to the ceiling and was adorned with gold. The paintings on it looked very Russian style. The walls everywhere were covered with traditional icons of Jesus' life and were obviously hand painted. There are monk seats on the side (that's what I call them) and folding chairs for pews. Finding a seat was really hard and I bet around 350 people were there. The church was jam packed. At least I got a little kneeling pad. The entire experience was a nightmare for my back so I was glad we didn't go any earlier.

Mischa, Princess, Emilia, Anna, and Tisha have all really warmed up to me. Tasha and Dasha as well as Sami are much harder to get through to. They're all so cute that I don't want to leave them and be another person that just does what they must and leaves.

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
Last night we said goodbye. Jo said that was the first time ever that a team became so close to the girls and the first time ever that the girls cried. Princess and Mischa I saw crying the most. It all started with Jo crying and the girls raise their hands and said "I love you" in English. Even Sami who tries to be hard and laugh at everything serious and play games, she cried to Jo. She raised her hand in our goodbye circle and a shocked hush went over the room... Sami was raising her hand politely. What's this? Jo said, "Yes Sami?" and Sami very seriously said, "Jo, I love you." That's basically the moment that everyone broke down (at least everyone from our group). We were witnessing the breaking of barriers. Emotional walls were coming down for some of the girls and it was a very important psychological improvement in behavior. Jo said they've never cried even when it's just her visiting, and she has known them since birth. Since the girls knew we were leaving, a few of them refused to hug or say goodbye because of attachment and abandonment issues. Tisha stared at me blankly and refused to hug me, and I considered her the one that I became closest with. That was really hard for me. Emilia wouldn't hug me either. They would push some of us away because they know we're leaving. Princess hugged me very tightly and Mischa was crying. I think they were all really touched by us; which was strange since I couldn't imagine a person being more effected than myself and the people in my group. I know my heart was truly touched because I would go through this whole hellish, painful, exhausting, and lice infested experience again just to see them happy. I don't know if I could make that decision now... it would be like food shopping when I'm full. But I would do it in the future, after sleep and healing my back. I love those girls and leaving them broke my heart.

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

We were scheduled to be back at school for classes on Thursday. Spring break had already ended back home. We had one extra day to stay at a hostel in Budapest, Hungary and explore the sights before our flights back. Also, it gave us a day to think about ourselves and freak out about half of us having lice from the infestation, both of which were put on hold during our stay in Romania. Luckily moving home with lice is a lot easier than getting it while being home. It was hard to treat the girls with their lice issue because Beius was not a pharmacy-type place. We bought a bottle of lice-ridding stuff called the Blessings Water. We didn't realize until later that the bottle's ingredients included getting rid of paranoia, and treating it with a prayer... also sugar and water. In Budapest we were able to get real anti-lice wash, and we tried our best not to contaminate the hostel.

Our visit in Budapest was really interesting. Most of the people in stores were nasty to us. They knew we were Americans so they pretended to not understand English. The castles and walking were beautiful and I could just stop on the bridge that connected Buda and Pest to look at the beauty and just breathe for the first time on our trip. Some of us got food and sat on a statue in the park of a lady named Eleszbert.
Relaxed. We watched the people around us and talked. For the first time on our trip I actually had a moment to fully take in my surroundings for more than a minute. I had a feeling like I'd experienced a trauma and I was out of breath all the time. I, of course, had not experienced a trauma. It was me, understanding and taking in the traumas of the girls and other people we had met along the way during our trip. I like to think that my struggle may be a result of taking a little bit of the burden from their struggle.

Some lasting impressions of the girls that I've left with are:
Anna is one tough cookie and loves to do sports and games. She had 105 fever but insisted on playing and being up and about. She's very curious and is always watching and taking things in. She learns to understand on her own.
Princess is a hot shit. She's like a teenage supermodel. Every time she does something it's like she's striking a pose. She also thinks of herself as the leader of the pack, even though she is the youngest.
Dasha is more shy than Tasha. She doesn't like to be in pictures but she loves to play and ignore the adults.
Tasha and Dasha both like to have attention. They get spoiled on the weekend by a family so they sometimes act like spoiled kids. They both have started figuring out how to do some bad things with Sami, like taking what is not theirs. They do get attached they just like to think that they're hard and disconnected. They wouldn't hug me goodbye the first time and Jo told me not to push so I didn't ask the second time... but I think once they realized it really was goodbye they would have, if I asked again. Tasha changed her mind if I remember correctly, but the hugs that night kind of blur together. It was extremely emotional.
Mischa loves to be the boss because I think her being the leader doesn't really happen often. She loves to sing but not unless others are singing along and she loves to be a part of the fun where ever it is. Who doesn't?
Sami. She is the worst behaved and has a terribly short attention span. I think while we were there, positive attention was better than none. She knows when to be serious and when not to, but she doesn't do that necessarily.
Emilia is very stand offish and wouldn't listen at first with me because she knew I wouldn't stay. Then she forgot about that and cried when we said goodbye. She has her mom and dad who always come back, so I'm sure her almost adoptive parents have helped her with that problem just by showing up. She is as cute as a little button. Her and Princess are the most adorable.
Tisha loves attention both negative and positive. But when she might be punished she listens right away. She cries when she doesn't get what she wants and she thinks everything is a joke or a game, but I think that may be a way of coping. She has no idea how to tell when someone is serious unless she's getting in trouble. She's going to try and be funny when she's older.. I wonder if that will work. When we played, we would draw on sketch pads and say "hasta tu." That means, "this is you." So we would draw funny pictures and tease each other saying "hasta tu."

Since Lufthansa treated us so awful, charging us $800 for extra baggage on the trip to Romania, our group did not feel the least bit guilty for possibly leaving lice on the plane. Take that, Germany!

Post Service Project
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
Being back at school was strange and annoying. People were really concerned with the lice situation even though we were getting checked and it was contained. Particularly with me, I never actually had lice according to being checked every day for a week, so I don't know why it was a big deal. No one is concerned about anything else but heir own lives and encounters. I get that way a lot but I always feel like my eyes are wide open to the world and I'm such  a small insignificant part being so useless and self-centered. I'll get over this feeling but that doesn't mean I'll stop doing service projects or lose sight of my goals.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I randomly became very upset today thinking about my trip to Romania. I've felt very angry at the world since I've been back. I've been overly critical of what different people hold important and of how dramatic people are about their own stupid problems. I do the same thing and so I either become critical of my own choices or I ignore my choices but continue to judge others, which makes me a hypocrite. I feel like my experience has grown positively but my personality may have been influenced negatively... at least in terms of judging people. Many things people say or do seems wasteful and pointless. I feel more and more; impatient, pessimistic, cynical, angry, every day that goes on.
Soon the mission will run out of money and the girls will have to be taken away. I find myself thinking about what God does in all of this, and what we do. How can we change?
I think it's very normal to be angry with God when witnessing something so sad and creating a change of view for myself. I view the world differently now, it's not like I snapped my fingers, but I feel more aware of what I could be doing with my life. God made sure I went on this trip because of His plan for me... the result may be what I choose to do with my future.
My frustration is a good thing. Motivation is often fueled by frustration, I think. I like that I'm questioning all of these experiences and realities. I love that I want to change it and be aggressive in fighting off the unjust treatment of children and families. I want to heal.
Though it may seem selfish, I know the more trauma I see and the more sadness I witness, the more defined I will become as a person and the better outlined my goals will be. The more good I try to do for those suffering, the better person I become in my faith.
I've never been sure that Orthodox Christianity was the one true religion, though most Orthodox do think that. I'm still not sure. But I am sure, that by believing in Jesus and God, I know His plan will layout for me the best possible route by giving me opportunities to offer myself to others.

I enjoy suffering on behalf of others. I feel as though one of my greatest rewards is being able to fully stand in another persons shoes and understand their struggles and trauma. I don't enjoy feeling the emotions that a person who struggles feels, but I do enjoy the ability to feel for them. If it were Jesus whose pain I was feeling than I would have holes in my hands and feet. By understanding the kids emotions I feel the same hole in my heart as they do, I am a strong sympathizer, which I think is something that others appreciate. It's a difficult emotion to explain without sounding crazy, but I feel as though talking and understanding others is a small way of taking a piece of their burden. That might not be so crazy.

I hope you enjoyed what I had to say. This was one of my big deal goals, and I can't wait to do it again!! Possibly for the rest of my life.
If you were wondering, I left out the name of the orphanage on purpose because I want to keep these girls identities private, even though it is not private information that they belong to the orphanage and pictures can be seen on the orphanage's website.
The photos on this blog post are compliments of Ruby Beg, a fellow Romania traveler, and some are my own.
More of my personal photos can be found on my facebook page.

Noapte buna (Good night!)